Browns Hard Knocks Recap: Episode Four
It’s the second to last episode of the 2018 ‘Hard Knocks’ season. Let’s get right into what happened this week with the Cleveland Browns…
BOB WYLIE
He’s back…
…better than ever…
…and I hope he doesn’t go away.
What a guy!
The Bob Wylie haters this past week have kind of irked (really irked) me. Yes, his stretching rant last week was ridiculous, but people overanalyzing a candid moment during training camp downtime are crazy. Do you really think the Browns were bad last year because Bob Wylie cracks some jokes in camp? Okay. Yup. I am sure no coach anywhere dicks around and has fun in training camp. None of them!
Please leave Bob alone.
What a glorious man.
MYLES GARRETT
We had a lot of Myles Garrett in this episode, as expected, and it kicked off with quite the bang.
What a look! I’ve noted that Garrett is a pretty weird dude and he showed it off quite a bit in the episode.
Garrett being a unique personality just makes it even better that he is an absolute freak of nature on the football field.
Nothing like showcasing your former number one overall pick skills set to the sweet sound of some soft jazz music.
In the game against the Eagles, Myles Garrett, albeit against a shaky offensive lineman in Halapoulivaati Vaitai, showed why he has potential to be one of the league’s best.
Just stay healthy Myles, just stay healthy.
GREGG WILLIAMS & TODD HALEY
Like clockwork, Gregg Williams and Todd Haley provided their usual great one-liners.
Gregg Williams is basically a poet. I also have to point out that Williams’ defense breakdowns a huddle with the phrase “come get some bitch.”
The best quote came from Haley, though.
“Nice play you fucking kicker” might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to a kicker. My only real gripe about the episode is that we didn’t get more of an explanation as to why Haley passed the ball from the 1-yard line on four consecutive plays, with the fourth play resulting in Tyrod Taylor’s injury.
DEVON CAJUSTE
Whether or not ‘Hard Knocks’ has had anything to do with it (it probably hasn’t), Devon Cajuste’s stock has risen quite a bit since his big debut on the first episode of the season. The tight end position is fairly shored up for the Browns, but they still need someone to fill in at fullback with their regular guy, Danny Vitale, still recovering from an injury. So that spot could be a good avenue for Cajuste to make the team.
‘Hard Knocks’ has had some sort of effect on Cajuste, though, because even people like Erin Andrews are big fans of the tight end now.
The game, obviously, was televised nationally on FOX and Joe Buck and Troy Aikman even gave the guy some love.
The hammer scene to close out the episode even went to Cajuste. How would we take advantage of it?
What, is he fucking Thanos? Energy crystals and stones?
Whatever it takes to make the team, I guess. I have become a fan of the guy and hope his ‘Hard Knocks’ story ends positively.
CARL NASSIB
Every week it’s something new with Carl Nassib. Apparently, the third-year defensive end from Penn State felt like he needed to break out the conspiracy theories this week…
I almost thought for a second he was going to turn to the camera and try and sell me some Brain Force Plus nootropics.
Oh, you thought Nassib was done there?
That’s right, a solid poop comment. Why not finish it off with a pimple story?
Man, Nassib has been all over the place in ‘Hard Knocks’, but I’ve always liked his game and the depth and potential he can provide for the Browns’ defense.
It seems as though, for now, his spot on the team should be safe before cutdown day.
TYROD TAYLOR
It’s been a week and I still have no idea how Tyrod Taylor didn’t break his hand or wrist last week against the Eagles.
If the injury wasn’t bad enough, just listen to Tyrod screaming in the injury tent.
Somehow, someway, Tyrod was okay and was able to come back into the game and play. Maybe the Browns’ fortune is changing, because between this injury scare and the Denzel Ward injury scare, I figured everything was about to go wrong once again on the shores of Lake Erie.
MYCHAL KENDRICKS
EDIT: Mychal Kendricks was charged with insider trading and released a statement this morning.
These comments from Mychal Kendricks had him receiving a lot of heat last week…
Everyone obviously jumped all over him for the comments seeing as to how the Eagles won the Super Bowl and the Browns went 0-16. I raise two counterpoints: first, who fucking cares, he’s just trying to motivate his team and secondly, he didn’t say they were better, he was just saying that they have a ton of raw talent. He also gave a pretty great breakdown of what to expect when the Browns met the Eagles.
The foreshadowing from Kendricks’ breakdown of the Eagles was great because the Browns obviously got to Nick Foles…
…and Vaitai, as you saw in the Myles Garrett clips above, a ton in their preseason game.
BROGAN ROBACK
We got a lot less Brogan Roback this week, but he did get to show off how star-struck he was by Erin Andrews.
I mean, of course she knows who you are, Brogan, you’re a legend (and also on a very popular NFL TV show). Be prepared for a ton of Brogan Roback next week, by the way, because Hue Jackson said he expects the rookie to play a ton in their preseason Week Four game.
HUE JACKSON
Hue Jackson says a lot of things that I really like but don’t buy into because of the fact he is 1-31 as head coach of the Cleveland Browns. My “Big Cat Hard Knocks Tweet of the Week” sums up my thoughts below.
If they have the turnaround that a lot of people expect them to have, I will probably change my tune on Hue Jackson. For now? I am on the other side of the fence. Hue also laid down a big-time jinx of Tyrod Taylor when talking to the media ahead of their third preseason game.
Yikes. Almost really blew it there! Also, why does Hue always refer to Josh Gordon by using the name of an animal instead of his real name?
Hue, we know you’re talking about Josh Gordon. You’re not Ethan Hunt, we don’t need secret names.
My favorite Hue Jackson clip of the week is the one of his reaction to Baker Mayfield hitting the back of his head on a player’s knee.
That is a clip I feel like I may use again a few times this season for the Browns.
THE ROOKIE VIDEO
Like most NFL teams, the Browns have a rookie showcase day where the newcomers either perform a skit or make a funny video. This year’s product was pretty funny, especially the parody of Jarvis Landry’s ‘Hard Knocks’ speech from episode one.
My official Lights, Camera, Barstool review is a 90/100. It would have been better had a few seconds been cut out to help with the pacing, but it was a pretty stellar effort. I was a huge fan of the Gregg Williams and Todd Haley parody as well.
We need to have these two coaches Mic’d Up every week because the content here is endless.
The Baker Mayfield impersonation of John Dorsey was pretty solid too, even if we had seen it earlier in the week.
I can’t get over how much gum John Dorsey chews. The dude chews gum like he’s bored inside of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.
Overall the rookie video gets a solid 88/100 when all is said and done. Good laughs from the young guys.
BAKER MAYFIELD
HBO Producer 1: “We need to fill our required five minutes of Baker Mayfield content.”
HBO Producer 2: “How about a super slow-motion montage?”
HBO Producer 1: “Say no more!”
If you need a new computer background, there are a ton of great shots of Baker Mayfield from this segment, that’s for sure.
There weren’t too many in-game highlights from Baker Mayfield and ‘Hard Knocks’ mostly just showed his struggles. But first I want to point out a quick conversation he had on the field during the game.
That’s Baker talking to Spencer Drango (a former high school classmate of mine) about the Browns’ marching band. Both guys went to Austin, Texas high schools (Lake Travis and Cedar Park) and had to endure one of the wilder Texas high school football traditions: long halftime shows. Did you know that every single week of the season features a thirty-minute marching band halftime show? That’s right, each Texas high school football game has a longer halftime show than the fucking Super Bowl. That is just absurd and ridiculous.
Anyway, Baker threw an interception and got absolutely decked in the back of the head during the game.
The receiver Baker was looking for got caught up and the ball he threw was intercepted due to the disrupted timing. Yes, it is still Baker’s error, but it was much less of a concern after watching the tape back during the game. It’s also nice to know that Baker was not injured on the play. We will see a little more of him during his preseason Week Four start before likely not seeing much of him during the season (knock on wood for Tyrod’s health).
JOSH GORDON
I am so fucking happy Josh Gordon is back. My goodness.
Hey kid, you seem excited, right? Well back the hell off because I am the number one Josh Gordon fan and not one person can challenge me on that fact.
I could not be any more pumped than I am right now to have Josh Gordon back. His current demeanor and mindset both seem pretty calm that’s great.
He’s going to shred defenses this year.
JARVIS LANDRY
This was an interesting week for Jarvis Landry. He was parodied in the rookie video, which was pretty funny, but also had some “leadership” moments, both good and bad, during the episode.
Seeing him take Antonio Callaway under his wing is super encouraging. Call it bias. Call it overconfidence. But I truly think Antonio Callaway is going to be an insanely special wide receiver in this league rather quickly.
The bad part of the episode for Jarvis Landry came in the game against the Eagles where he just looked really off.
He had a great play to start the game, but everything started to look wrong right around when Tyrod got hurt. Him and Todd Haley looked to be on the same page at the end of the game, however.
No hate from me on Jarvis. He’ll be ready to go. Just wait until that Flash, Juice and Callaway trio debuts in Week One.
–
Let me start by saying that we already know how the season will end: the players getting their helmet stripes. Finally, we will see an end to that gimmicky nonsense. Just put the damn stripes on the helmets already.
The fifth and final episode of ‘Hard Knocks’, the cutdown episode, is typically the best of the season in terms of drama. The spotlight will be on a few guys next week: Brogan Roback, Devon Cajuste, Carl Nassib and Nate Orchard, just to name a few. Ray Donovan mentioned Antonio Callaway’s name in the promo for next week, but that’s nonsense because Callaway is going to be a starter in Week One.
Just one episode left! I will be releasing my Top 12 Favorite Browns Defenders Since 1999 on Thursday and recapping the probably-boring final preseason game for the Browns on Friday morning. Good luck, Brogan!